People can’t always be perfect because it’s not real isn’t it?

Days like these my incapability to express just leaves me stranded with the dead thoughts and emotions that used to bloom inside the cracks of me, desperate to flow out. My abhorrence for language barrier has recently turned into mostly frustration and hopelessness.
You won't get it. You won't get it cause you don't have trouble communicating to your own dad. You won't get it because you don't have to translate every single word from english back to your mother tongue in order to voice it out. Moments of silence on the phone with my dad where words run dry just suddenly made my heart so heavy, heavy with regrets and guilt, heavy with the lost bond we attempted many times to recreate, and mostly heavy with the love I feel yet fail to express.
I'm sorry I fail you dad.
Moving on...
I know you're trying to prepare me for this tough life. And you're absolutely right. When have I ever got to live an easy life? When have I ever had a shortcut, an simple way out to any problems? Everyday I wish I could have a normal childhood and teenagehood like others. But no, I'm always the only one that is fucked up, that has a fucked up family, experienced all kind of fuckups in the world. But of course who would know that apart from you and I...
I love you mum but I honestly don't want to turn into such a calculating and bitter person like you. I'm sorry.

Quote of the day: “I’m sorry you were not truly loved and that it made you cruel.” - Warsan Shire