Frighten

I hate the fact that I am always the person who likes others more, like if someone just leaves me, it really fucking destroys me, and I don’t really know what to do. I feel confused about everything for weeks, years even, and I dont really know what I have done to make everyone leave me. I don’t understand how other people can just be totally okay. It’s like no matter what, I am always the one that hurts the most, and that really fucking sucks.
I just don’t think people love me. They love the version of me that I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love. Who’s going to love the girl that can’t stop crying? The girl that is losing control? The girl who is so scared and sad she can’t get out of bed? The girl that keeps pushing everyone away? Who is going to love the monster in me? Who is going to love me now?
I don’t get how some people say they’re empty. But I’m too full. Full of memories, hopes, fears, anger and love. I have too much inside myself. I have a heart that is getting too heavy to carry around. I feel so much I can’t have peace.

Quote of the day: “I think too much. I think ahead. I think behind. I think sideways. I think it all. If it exists, I’ve fucking thought of it.” - Wyona Ryder