I crave adventures, attention, and you.

I’m leaving this country tomorrow night on the basis of finding myself. But really, who am I kidding? I don’t know if I’m moving on, or running away.
Sometimes I feel guilty for my low perception of the country that I’ve been calling home for the last 5 years. KL is really not a bad place, I had a great 5 years, life changing even. Coming back here though, I experience a different sensation. My purpose here seems to be finished. Coming back home made me realise one thing: Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer.
Every time I’m trying to move on people always ask me what I’m running from, but never thought to ask what I’m running to. There’s nothing wrong with closing doors that no longer lead somewhere.

All the friends I’ve got here in KL though, are probably the best things that have ever happened. These are friends for life. I know it, you know it, they know it. You all know who you are, and how much I love and treasure every single one of you. I know most of us do not announce our love so openly and frequently, but I can feel it, and I hope you could feel it too. There are a million different ways to say “I love you” like “it’s ok i’m here”,“watch your step”,“get some rest” ....you just gotta listen.

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So I have got people coming up to me asked me, with every ounce of subtlety in the world:  “Isn’t it better to find someone you could make love to, rather than fuck?” and “I would never wanna be fucked only, gentlemen make love to you". Well this is my answer: Don’t sugar coat it, don’t say “making love”. You make love in letters, and subtle glances across a room. You two are fucking. You are feeling each other for the sake of raw pleasure. You are fucking as in the verb, you both are sweating and panting because you can’t consume enough of each other. So fuck “making love”, you are fucking, you are feeling. Life isn’t about censored vulgarity.
Anyway, that was just a irrelevant rant.

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Right now I’m perfectly able to hold my hand. But I still can’t kiss my own neck. I just don’t want loneliness to drive me into the arms of someone I know I don’t belong with. That is all.

Waiting hurts, forgetting hurts, but not knowing which one to do hurts the most.