Sometimes you're 17 and standing in the kitchen of your house just pouring cereal and milk making hot chocolate and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You're just standing there thinking about nothing but how blue the sky is today and now you're mentally planning a workout that would never happen. And also about more exciting things like the novel you're reading for Literature and the trips you plan on taking after A levels and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you realise that so soon this won't be your home anymore, so soon you would turn 18 and officially become an adult. And suddenly you just don't feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but "Dad's" in Vietnam has not felt like home for years. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone, and ears that listened everyday, and arms that were never for anyone else but just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much. And thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realise that you'll never be this young again but this is the first time you've ever been this old. When you can't remember how you got from 13 to 15 and 15 to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The hot chocolate is ready. You're going to breathe in and out. You're going to be fine in about five minutes.
"Change is a funny thing. We’re never quite sure what we’re becoming, or why. Then one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are, and how we got there."
- Jodi Picoult
Sometimes your heart breaks for no lovers but yourself. Now I can see you, you're not the girl that you once used to be. You feel so out of your years, you've grown out of your own muse, I don't know how you got here, but in our heart it hasn't changed. It's not like it was before, your head is short and your jeans are tight and time passed in the night time over your head. And suddenly you're in the sea and you're unprepared, and you're not longer yourself but me. I wish you'd been here. Cause I feel light and naive, like it has no sense. I could feel it growing from whisper, to a shout and fist in the air. It must have been years or more, the day you got off of the plane, and nobody cared to know your name. We've been there. I have to let go of your hand, cause I will sail out to foreign lands, just to fly. There's a child that I left in the town I treasure, though I'm running fast, I'm not running away. The past persona of my life, I won't apologize for how I've evolved, you know I was always going to run after the storm, I didn't leave you, I just leapt out from the shore.
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