Nowhere to run to, baby

First thing in the morning and I am on the verge of breaking down. What is wrong with me these days?
I can feel the blood pumping through my vein, racing in and out of my heart. Faster and faster. Stress.
Hot tears threaten to pour out from my eyes. Boiling chaud. Anger.
My mind is numb and nostalgic. No space for real thoughts, just overwhelmed with worries.
The petty things like boys and friends and drama do not bother me anymore. I feel like I'm aging too fast. At 17, you shouldn't have to be like this. You shouldn't, any other teenagers shouldn't have to experience such a rocky childhood followed by a pressured teen, but I am. And there's no other options, no where else to run.
I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm tired of having to use tricks and lies to survive even at my own home.   I'm tired of being blamed all the time. I'm a little of tired feeling like a failure.
Sometimes I wish so badly that I was born in a different family, that I was born to someone who isn't so selfish, stingi and cold-hearted. Sometimes I wonder if she even has a heart.
I just want to give it all up.