I have no special talent
I failed my chem test. For the first time in my life. Oddly, I did not feel bad, not a little bit. Maybe a trace of humiliation, but I did not regret the choice not to study. I guess I just couldn't, I don't know what's happening to me lately to be honest. My sleeping schedule is completely screwed up, my attention span lasts for like 5 seconds and I am tired all the time.
Though I guess due to the stress, yesterday I hardly ate at all, to one point that my stomach went wild and twisted its way up my throat. That hurt. Then came a feeling of emptiness, of nothingness, like having a detox. The bad thing was it was euphoric, I loved it. I loved the feelings of letting my body starve, I loved to see it suffer, I loved to know that I have some control over myself. The idea of anorexia came to me out of the blue, though got wiped away almost immediately because I reminded myself that it is a disorder, not a trending lifestyle.
So Justin opened up a little yesterday during skype. He promised to bring me chocolate for today since we are officially close friends (how lame!) and to reward me for being such a good friend (the way he put it reminded me of Fifty Shades Of Grey, how Christian rewards Anastasia for being a good submissive everytime after the amazing sex... Very inappropriate, I know. I just couldn't help it).
Ryan seems like a nice guy.
I brought my sketch book back to life after I realised my drawing out of boredom just got more than 50 likes on facebook. Way to improve my self-esteem :P.
Gonna head to college now! Vogue Blackout tonight, better not be shitty.
Though I guess due to the stress, yesterday I hardly ate at all, to one point that my stomach went wild and twisted its way up my throat. That hurt. Then came a feeling of emptiness, of nothingness, like having a detox. The bad thing was it was euphoric, I loved it. I loved the feelings of letting my body starve, I loved to see it suffer, I loved to know that I have some control over myself. The idea of anorexia came to me out of the blue, though got wiped away almost immediately because I reminded myself that it is a disorder, not a trending lifestyle.
So Justin opened up a little yesterday during skype. He promised to bring me chocolate for today since we are officially close friends (how lame!) and to reward me for being such a good friend (the way he put it reminded me of Fifty Shades Of Grey, how Christian rewards Anastasia for being a good submissive everytime after the amazing sex... Very inappropriate, I know. I just couldn't help it).
Ryan seems like a nice guy.
I brought my sketch book back to life after I realised my drawing out of boredom just got more than 50 likes on facebook. Way to improve my self-esteem :P.
Gonna head to college now! Vogue Blackout tonight, better not be shitty.
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