There's a real problem to trust people these days.

So this blog secret has been my life lately. I have no idea why, if for any consolation I feel less lonely looking at those people being in even worse places than I am.

It’s harder thinking about the good things, because they’re what you miss, long for, and will never get back. The bad memories suck, sure, but you don’t miss them and don’t care that you can never have them again, but they’re hard, too, because they’re what made the good things be mere memories.

I guess you need some lemon in your life to appreciate the good things. Although I'm practically acting as a patient and a therapist for myself right now, telling my inner self (god i sound like some pretentious worded genius) that everything will turn out ok. Once you hit a rock bottom, there's no way to go but up :)
I'm actually in no mood to go out these days. I haven't even been out of the house ever since I got back from Vietnam except walking my dog at like 10pm yesterday. I don't know what's happening to me. Usually I'm the first one to push and call everyone to arrange a hang-out, but now I dropped down to the last... I really don't feel like looking at anyone at the moment, or do anything. Cause I know as soon as I look at them everything becomes real, and reality equivalent to disappointment.
Less than 2 weeks to school, feels like an upcoming nightmare ... Not that I hate people, I just prefer it when they're not around. I know I sound like some pathetic pessimist, but that's just how I'm feeling right now you know? Erica said maybe having a few close friends is way better than having a bunch of fake friends. But isn't that what life's about? Pretending? Seeing those people's faces everyday still gets to me, after all this time, yes. I still couldn't get over it. Some days it gets better, someday it gets worse. Someday it hurts so much I could hardly bear it. Then the pain faded away eventually. And things seem fine for a split moment, before some shit interrupts.
Anyway, as I say, shit happens and you deal with it. After all there's only one year of this shitty school left. And the gaps will be filled with exams so I guess it's gonna be ok. Then next summer, everyone in this shitty school is gonna be officially out of my life. Officially. Can't. Fucking. Wait.