April 13
Phuket was literally one of my best holidays in my life so far. It brought me back to life, you know the feeling of living life to the best, doing what you love, and just no work, no stress, nothing. It felt incredible though I'd thought I lost the ability to feel genuinely happy again. So 4 full days under the sun, feeding off from each other's stomach, I'll well miss the ceaseless series of laughs while sitting on each other's laps shooting water from the rusty Jeep. I'll miss it so much, I'll miss you too, McShee. You'll never have a chance to read this but who knows, maybe in a year, or a decade, or our next life, we'll meet again and have time to really get to know each other, friend.
Apart from all the fun, reality came crashing down on my head. It was well arranged wasn't it? I'll always have to pay for whatever I have, even though it might be just a moment of harmless fun. The woman who controls my life, bitter as she always is, ruins it. I wouldn't call her a lady because women would always be women until they earned my respects, and she, my mother, has lost the respect from her only child. Sometimes tears came flushing down my eyes as I wondered why she's so stiff, so bitter, so controlling, so judgmental. She should be the one I look up to, but instead my conscience twisted in disgust once the thought of inheriting her genes crossed my mind. She brought me up, then threw me down again. Just like giving a child a candy and then go stab the kid in the heart. It's hard to survive, but I did, and I will because in life whenever it comes to the bottom that I can't handle, I'll remind myself that nothing can possibly be worse than she's making me feel right now. It's terrible, there's hardly a word that can describe, but as usual, what doesn't kill me just makes me stronger.
tsk tsk, I just can't wait till we finish elc and meet someone
oooh this is hot too :) 
and I don't know, sometimes in life I would like a relationship something like this <3 
lol for now
See ya!
Apart from all the fun, reality came crashing down on my head. It was well arranged wasn't it? I'll always have to pay for whatever I have, even though it might be just a moment of harmless fun. The woman who controls my life, bitter as she always is, ruins it. I wouldn't call her a lady because women would always be women until they earned my respects, and she, my mother, has lost the respect from her only child. Sometimes tears came flushing down my eyes as I wondered why she's so stiff, so bitter, so controlling, so judgmental. She should be the one I look up to, but instead my conscience twisted in disgust once the thought of inheriting her genes crossed my mind. She brought me up, then threw me down again. Just like giving a child a candy and then go stab the kid in the heart. It's hard to survive, but I did, and I will because in life whenever it comes to the bottom that I can't handle, I'll remind myself that nothing can possibly be worse than she's making me feel right now. It's terrible, there's hardly a word that can describe, but as usual, what doesn't kill me just makes me stronger.
tsk tsk, I just can't wait till we finish elc and meet someone
oooh this is hot too :) 
and I don't know, sometimes in life I would like a relationship something like this <3 
lol for now
See ya!
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