Stay close to anything that makes you glad you are alive

It’s strange to feel as if I’m starting to like this job more and more, most because of the people, I think, or maybe free food. Working on a Friday night initiated this odd mixture of emotions in me. Although it felt somewhat like I’m missing out on the fun young things that people my age are supposed to do, to have fun, club, then get trashed, there’s also this tidal wave of excitement as if I am experiencing something new. Coming across a fresh gate has woken all the senses in me, for some odd reason, I felt alive, and that’s exactly what I’m seeking.
Henry has been a really good friend, so as Peter I think. I absolutely adore them at the work place, but it seems like I’m really living a double life for it felt peculiar, or even a little absurd to talk to them on facebook. I guess there’s a limit to everything. Also honestly though, the more I look at the bartender, the less “wow” he appeals. I actually thought he was beautiful. His exterior just exerts a really cool vibe that I doubt that words could be used to describe without over or under doing it. I think I might have watched him like a hawk at all time or something which is a majorly creepy and I should definitely stop.
This morning I was writing my personal statement, and despite my fear at all time of not being enough, I had too many achievements to be included in the diminutive threshold of 4000 characters. Others said I’m an overachiever, but I have been haunted by the idea of wasting my life. I don’t demand perfection at all time though. I am a little of a walking paradox; I’m crazy about spontaneity, yet at times I am 100% a control freak. I want to live life to the fullest. I want to attain my dreams. I want others to want me, to love me. I don’t want a lukewarm love. I want a love that burns my lips and engulf my soul. I think I want too much. Sometimes.