Some days just aren't worth putting on a bra

Stop it! Stop it before you regret your bitchy act! Get some control of yourself.
She hasn't done anything but being pleasant and helpful, so why do I see her as such a threat? Every little thing she says annoys me, then I get angry at myself for being annoyed. Everytime someone mentions her name I try to put her down, subconsciously. Why? Why? What the hell is wrong with me?
Every night I tested myself over again to see whether my feelings are real, though in the morning a sense of disgust took over instead. It's just not right.. In so many ways.. There's a fine line between feeling flattered and feeling attached. It's agonising how everytime I start to open up to anyone, I mistaken the trust, the vulnerability, the fragility to something else, something that later would tear our relationship apart. I desperately do not want it to happen again this time,  I can't afford to go through it again, this time maybe even more devastating...